It is very important to ensure that you can distinguish between right and wrong while raising your child. The easiest way to do this is the reward and punishment system. However, you should avoid the consequences that harm children’s self-confidence.
Every parent wants to do the best they can while raising their child. However, to control a small person that passes through dozens of different phases throughout their childhood and to instill consciousness in them may not always be as easy as it has been thought of. One of the most challenging issues is to punish your child.
However, the reward and punishment method proposed by the pedagogues does not have anything to be afraid of when the correct steps are followed. Here are the simple ways of punishing your child without damaging their self-confidence and the healthy relationship between you...
Question the child’s intention before punishment
Children, by their nature, generally do not act in bad intention. Their intention is to try new things rather than harm one or something. However, because they are inexperienced, they often cannot compute the results of new experiences. Therefore, when a person, an object or a situation is damaged as a result of his action, try to talk about the consequences of his/her act instead of punishing him/her without questioning. This conversation will help your child to internalize the fact that every action and choice has a consequence.
Offer recommendations instead of directives
When your child does something that they don't normally do or are trying to do, try to offer flexible suggestions rather than expressing it like “Do it” or Don’t do it”. As the children's algorithm is based on love and compassion, the guiding suggestions will be much more effective than the peremptory behaviors.
Do not scold your child in front of others
One of the most common misconceptions of parents is the practice of anger and punishment in front of others. Unfortunately, this method, which the former generations call “punishing as a warning or deterrent to others”, can damage children's self-confidence and erode their unconditional trust in their parents. In summary, if your child insists on breaking the rules and you are in a crowded area, you should warn them quietly and then talk about the consequences in private.
In the cases you don’t know who’s wrong: Punish everyone
One of the most common situations in families with more than one child is the fact that no child takes the blame of the incident in which all the siblings are involved. If your child appears to be wrong in an incident involving their siblings, and you are not sure who the real blamable is, you should punish everyone involved in the incident. In this way, you become a fair figure both in the eyes of your children and you can make a fateful union between the accomplices.
Don't judge your child with their past mistakes
Never judge your child with past mistakes while giving deterrent and instructive penalties. Evaluate each event in its own heat and help your child learn a lesson. In this way, you can help your child take safer steps without feeling guilty and inadequate.
Never use a bad or degrading language
Experts say that you need to talk to children as neutral as possible when they make mistakes. For example, instead of saying “Look how clumsy you are!” when a child harms a valuable object, you could say “You could be a little more careful”, it is much more effective to stimulate the child's positive behavior. In short, it is best to give the child the responsibility of compensation for his error instead of using a language that attacks the child's personality, intelligence or skills.
Be consistent and do what you say
It is necessary to act consistently in both punishment and reward applications. So, if you told your child that you would punish them on something (the same thing applies to rewards), apply it in the most appropriate and non-offensive environment. Otherwise, you might lose your authority if you say “I will punish you because of this behavior” and if you don’t do as you have said.
